I hate that this is everything out of the storybook. It's everything they said it would be....
That it makes you do crazy things. That it makes you blind. That it's like a speeding car with no break pedal. That you can't think, or listen, or appreciate anything. That it hurts in places you didn't even know could feel...most of all, I hate that it comes to you when you least expect it...Some how, some where along the way, amidst the butterflies and sweetest memories...



07 괜찮아질까요 (With Bigtone).mp3 - Lee Hyori

Nothing's familiar anymore...

On career -
you can think about it day and night. and as badly as you want it to happen, as hard as you wish for it to happen...there's nothing like just making it happen. just do it.

On love -
stop always chasing that temporary and fleeting high...eventually it subsides...
"Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body...Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away...and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two"

On self improvement -
Find that self discipline... right now! You ain't no Benjamin Button sweetheart. So if not now, then never.

On life -
Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for...This I feel like is almost impossible to achieve though. By not desiring, you allow yourself to settle and therefore never find the motivation to advance. But by constantly lusting for more, you'll never truly appreciate what you've been blessed with...

I picked the name Jaded Bliss my second year in high school. You know what I meant for it to be?
Bliss: great joy and heavenly rapture.
Jade: greenish gem believed by the Chinese to keep one from harm and bears good luck.

Never would I have imagined that my life would eventually take on the actual definition of Jaded Bliss...
The accumulating cuts and splinters, at last, have purged all else to form a scar entrenched deep into this desolated heart. I’ve officially been hurt one too many times. If only this were about disillusionment with finding ‘the one’ or something else as natural or as innocent. Instead, this aching strips me of sustenance for my soul: faith, trust, and hope. ‘Faith’ in the goodness of others. Trust in their ability to be compassionate. And above all, Hope that somewhere out there is a glimmer of guiding light to the way I use be, to what I use to believe.

I thought I could be that way too; Free-spirited, cheerful and heart full of faith. So one last time, I closed my eyes and took a leap. And I fell. I fell hard. They clawed and sneered and trampled over my raw and defenseless emotions. Why? I’m not sure. But it was my own stupidity; my own ignorance to have allowed myself to ever become this vulnerable. It was my own lapse in judgment to have let the guards down. Trust, once lost, can be impossible to recover. So this is goodbye.

I’m not mad, not even bitter. Maybe a little frightened, at the atrocity of these monsters revealed from such graceful bodies. But for the most part, I’m just numb. Too numb to react or feel anything. To be honest, I’m not sure if it’ll thaw…but I’m actually hoping that it won’t. Because maybe this is the way it should be.

With each passing moment is a prayer for the strength to continue down the right path. Even though I’ve been really unhappy, I actually feel like now I can focus on where I need to be. 我一定要能自立, 有学历, 有一技之长. 拥有属于自己的追求,思考,自由与骄傲. 要能够输得起,不自轻. 能有独力生存的本领. 能好好地珍惜自己. These, I do for my all and all, my one and only: My family. I have yet to find the courage to say this face to face but from the bottom of my heart: I love you and thank you. Because you are my saving grace, you are my everything.